Overcoming Life's Challenges

Spirituality

There is an old saying 'you are what you eat' this is true to a certain extent but we can also add 'you are what you speak'. If your speech is full of negatives or criticisms of everyone including yourself, then you have doomed your own longing for inner happiness and contentment for peace cannot coexist in a soul that has allowed itself to be overcome by the tyranny of memory.

Many confuse happiness with feelings, if we were to wait until we felt happiness some of us would be waiting a long time. Many more would be waiting even longer if they are seeking that one person who will be able to fulfill their every need, for these people live in unreality who wait upon their prince charmings to sweep them off their feet and away from their trials and tribulations.

Some rely on gaining well paying jobs that carry an elitist label, while others chase fame and money as if that could compensate what every soul truly seeks, and that is to be loved for themselves alone and to give love without fear of rejection. The one Being who Loves us as we are where we are is God, He does not seek perfection in us, instead He fills us with His Spirit so He can perfect us with our consent thereby transforming us into little reflections of the Triune Spirit.

The confusion happens when we chase after the dross in life while throwing away the Gold without ever recognising the difference. When we neglect prayer, reading the Bible or attending Mass on a regular basis we are depriving ourselves of our own happiness by living a life of unknowing. Nothing more describes this than the words of St. Jerome when he wrote, "ignorance of Scripture means ignorance of Christ." We must recognise that God cannot work in a heart that is bolted from within against His Love and the love of others and instead the heart that is enclosed within itself soon expresses it's feelings in bitterness, fighting and criticisms. A soul that has rejected the Love of the Divine instead embraces the love of self and is left to rely upon itself hence it becomes most unhappy and embittered.

When we look at the lives of the rich and famous can we truly say that only money, beauty and position guarantee's happiness? Princess Diana had all of the above traits yet her short life was spent in tears more than cheer. In her we see that she had everything that is supposed to help us achieve ultimate happiness, yet happiness eluded her how can this be? Though Princess Diana flirted with different spiritualities, including spiritism in her desperate search for authenticity she failed to recognise the Author of Life and instead she danced on the treadmill of memories and found them malignant. This led her down the path of shadows rather than into the Light of Christ for it is only through Christ can anyone find that elusive element called happiness. The same can be said of many who have reached the height of fame only to find themselves alone with themselves, a fate that many find intolerable.

Does this mean that those who are born into ordinary families and who never gain 'fame' are guaranteed happiness? Of course not! The pharmaceutical companies give lie to that theory as many more people rush out to buy anti-depressants and live lives of emotional oblivion rather than face the reality that at times life is meant to be painful. As the Word instructs us, "Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever does not take up his cross and follow after me is not worthy of me." Once again we read in Mathew, "Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me." Why do we think that life must be painless? That our paths must be full of rose petals and NO thorns? If you have not hurt at love then you have not loved at all. Rather than run away from our hurts and pains let us live through them and past them as we learn the price of love is worth every anguished cry every heartbreak for that is the essence of life itself, both agony and the ecstasy. When a mother goes through the agony of child birth does she refuse to endure it again and so deny herself the children that will complete the couples happiness? No! The pain is for love alone as new life is created within the same womb as the mother prepares to face the same pain as a new life enters the world.

We become lost and unable to cope when we rely on our own strength only to find the bank is empty, as we are held hostage by our memories and feelings. In order to be truly happy we must choose it, for happiness is not a feeling but a choice, irrespective of circumstances. Our streets are littered with the unloved, and our palaces are full of a loneliness that stifles the soul, what then guarantees happiness? As that most honourable woman Coretta Scott King once said concerning her own happiness, "I'm fulfilled in what I do... I never thought that a lot of money or fine clothes-the finer things of life-would make you happy. My concept of happiness is to be filled in a spiritual sense."

There is no guarantee for happiness, for in order to be truly happy we must be truly loving in the spilling out of the love that lay within each of us. To love is to risk everything, but to deprive ourselves of giving that love would be to lose all. As St Bernard of Clairvaux wrote, "When God loves me, He desires nothing else than to be loved by me. He loves me in order that I may love Him because He knows well that all who love Him, find in this very love their Joy and happiness."

In the end the real meaning of love is to give it without requiring a receipt, unless we have loved till it costs we have not loved at all.

Peace of Christ to you ALL

Copyright © 2006 Marie Smith. All rights reserved.

Facing Life's Challenges

Spirituality

"The measure of the faith we have in the Inner Presence of Divinity in the soul is the measure of our light in darkness and strength in moments of trial. Those who have been to the top of the Alps witness that they have seen rain fall under them, but not one drop ever falls on them. Those who have God as their protection have an inner tower that is never depressed by adversity nor inflated by pride in moments of success and prosperity".

Do many of us understand the difference between a challenge and an inconvenience? Dealing with a life changing illness is a challenge, dealing with a headache is an inconvenience. Running out of gas in our cars is an inconvenience, having no feet to walk with is a challenge. How much of our conversation is sprinkled with a lively joy or how much of our conversation is a torrential downpour of whining and grizzling about our 'lot in life'? Do we live in Iran, the Sudan, China? Where every day is a challenge for Christians as they face persecution within their own Dictatorial countries, where every whisper could lead to betrayal and death, do we face life threatening peril in our countries?

Is it a case that for many of us, we have become comfortable Christians, who no longer preach what we believe, at times many of us fail to live it within our own lives let alone preach the Good News to all we meet. What face do we present to the outside world the face of Christ or a face of woe? Why would anyone want to become a Christian if it means toil, hardship and general unhappiness? We need to remember that to many we are the face of Christ, if we look miserable, then where have we placed our hope? As that great Saint Francis of Assisi wrote, "It is not fitting, when one is in God's service, to have a gloomy face or a chilling look." We need to understand what abides in our interior will become known in our exterior, and it is our exterior that sends a message to all we meet. Once again St Francis cautions us, "Preach the gospel and if necessary use words."

We become longfaced when we misunderstand God's Commandments and why Jesus died for us. Our Lord did not suffer and die on a Cross so we can live comfortable lives with no cost to ourselves, one cannot buy Christianity on the cheap! If it cost Jesus then it will cost us as our Lord warns us, "Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me." Yet when crosses do come into our lives we either blame Satan as if God was powerless or we become disconsolate and discouraged, how can we be so easily moved by our emotions?

It is because we run more on emotions than Faith, when good things happen to us we rejoice usually by praising our achievements and accepting the applause as if we had merited it on our own. Yet conversely when things go wrong we either attribute every negative happening to Satan or we say 'God does not hear my prayer' behind that line is the unspoken meaning ' what is happening to me is God's fault!' How little we know God or His Divine Will, for as Jesus continues to instruct us through His Word, "For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.What profit would there be for one to gain the whole world and forfeit his life? Or what can one give in exchange for his life?" It is in these verses we can measure the level of our Faith or lack thereof. Most of the hardship that affects each of us are inconveniences which we blow up out of all proportion. There are times though when we are suffering greatly but irrespective of our inconveniences or depthful suffering we still need to understand that when we enter that dark night of suffering so too God enters with us, we are never left orphans. We see this expressed in this poem;

I said to the man

Who stood at the gate of the year,

"Give me a light that I may tread safely

into the unknown."

And he replied,

"Go out into the darkness

and put your hand into the hand of God

That shall be to you

Better than the light

And safer than a known way!"

So I went forth

And finding the hand of God

Trod gladly into the light.

When our hearts become full of complaints this is all that is needed for our hearts to become filled with bitterness, for beneath the griping lay anger at God. We need to acknowledge that anger before we can confront it and with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we then seek God out in the quiet of our hearts. This is where the heart of the problem lay when we are too busy for prayer, we cannot handle the spiritual, physical or mental challenges that face us each day. Instead we become overcome rather than be what we are through the healing power of Gods Grace, Overcomers.

Before we head out our doors we make sure that we have had breakfast, then comes lunch and finally at the end of the day we enjoy dinner. We learn to take care of our bodies which gives us the energy to do our work, yet when it comes to our spiritual lives, we can't seem to find the time for prayer. In order not to be overcome by life's challenges we need to be honest with ourselves for God already see's the intent and motives within our hearts. We don't pray not because there is no time but because we choose not too!

Prayer is a choice and refusal to pray is also a choice. When we choose to pray God is then able to fill us with His strength and the Graces needed to overcome our problems and maintain our hope in our loving God through prayer and the Sacraments. On the other hand when we choose not to pray we are left to rely on our own resources, hence we fail and become despondent.

Prayer is our lifeblood, when we refuse to pray we then become spiritually anemic, it is no wonder that so many cannot deal with life's setbacks.

If life is becoming burdensome and no longer joyful then who moved?

Peace of Christ to you ALL

Copyright © 2006 Marie Smith. All rights reserved.

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Spiritual Priorities Conclusion

Spirituality

In this world we share with a vast multitude of people it can become a confusing place to inhabit if we spend inordinate amounts of time listening to the mixed messages we receive almost on an hourly basis. When we look at women magazines, we see on one page where the latest fad diets are promoted but turn the page and there are recipes filled with delicious temptations such as chocolate cake or cookies, ice-cream confections, candy or fried foods, so on one hand we are told to eat less yet on another hand we are tempted to eat more, confusing? Imagine young teenagers reading the very same articles and also taking in the confusing messages presented by the worldly to young and vulnerable minds.

The same mixed messages are also on many TV programmes, where marital happiness is under attack by shows such as 'Desperate Housewives', 'Will and Grace' or so called reality TV shows as 'Big Brother', 'Temptation Island' or 'Joe Millionaire' where sincerity is seen as passé while good looks, money and fashion are esteemed above all other things. There are also the shows where humiliating others seems to be the order of the day, where contestants are called the 'weakest link' and others are denigrated in front of live audiences and made to look and feel foolish, is this truly the message you want your children to imbibe? As the late Pope John Paul II cautioned, "Freedom consists not in doing what we like, but in having the right to do what we ought." Sure we have the freedom to watch what we like, but does that ensure happiness?

In order to live happy and productive lives, we need to fill our minds and souls with wholesome activities, this does not mean that the TV must never be switched on, there are many good and educational programmes on air and also entertainments that do not convey negative subliminal messages to its viewers. What is needed in all things is moderation, in order to feel happy we must BE happy, this means keeping an active and healthy body not to fit an 'image' but to enable parents to participate in their children's lives and activities without becoming exhausted. It is also the same with children in order for them to be truly happy one must live a healthy lifestyle of good food, exercise and nourishing the soul through reading and studying the Word of God and participation in the Sacraments of the Church not through habit but with joy!

We need to understand that where you spend the majority of your time you will become. Therefore if you spend more than 10 hours a week watching the TV, your body will become lazy, your mind will also become slothful as the soul absorbs the wrong messages of superficialities over substance. When members of the family spend more than 10 hours on the internet for entertainment purposes, who in your family are you ignoring as you enter chat rooms or play computer games? If you spend more time conversing with strangers on the internet rather than your spouse or children, who gains by your inattention? Once again Pope John Paul II explains very eloquently, "The great danger for family life, in the midst of any society whose idols are pleasure, comfort and independence, lies in the fact that people close their hearts and become selfish" Do we ignore these wise words and carry on with things that will corrupt not only ourselves but also our family unit?

Our lives have become so hectic that we all need places to relax and regroup, but it is what we choose in order to do this that will provide us with peace and happiness or a continual pattern of selfishness and the ME first philosophy. Sometimes we need to stop and take a hard look at our efforts to escape the mundane which many lives have become and in seeking to find meaning within their lives many choose the wrong avenues. We are surrounded by the beauty of nature yet spend copious amounts of time closed off indoors as we sit glued to the TV or our PC monitors. It doesn't take much to go for a drive in your car to the nearest park to spend an hour or so taking in the beauty of flowers, trees and the joy of your family as they too enjoy the beauty of nature. On cold winter days and nights as families settle around the fire, instead of immediately reaching for the remote control choose instead to spend an hour or two playing board games and to end the night by the reading of Scripture and prayer to God from the heart with praise and thanksgiving. Surely this has to be preferable to being glued to a TV set that hinders our spiritual progress rather than helping it?

All of this takes discipline and some self sacrifice as families discover a better way of living rather than merely existing in a dog eat dog world. When families relegate or exclude God from their daily lives, they also exclude the joy and peace that all families need in order to live happy and productive lives. It is an understanding that happiness springs from within the individual and cannot be given by another, for if our lives are out of control we cannot and should not expect another to try and the be 'soul fixer' that job belongs between the soul and God. This is why it is integral especially for Christian families to be a beacon of light to those around them so that others may see your joy and long for it themselves. In order for us to present this picture of inner personal happiness we must live it, this means understanding and following the Will of God in our lives everyday, this can only be achieved by prayer, study of Scripture and attendance at Mass through love of God.

When Christian families start buying into worldly philosophies and their behaviour exhibits worldly language and immodest dressing then where is the difference between the worldly and the Christian? What example are the Christians setting when one cannot tell the difference as all behaviour becomes crude and vulgar?

In order to gain an understanding of just how much quality time you spend together keep a small diary for a week and note down the hours spent conversing with each other, with God and how much time is spent watching vulgar TV programs or on the internet in wasteful activities which have no spiritual input. This should indicate your families spiritual health and should be a wake up call to acknowledge that good families don't just happen they need to be worked at with God at the helm. As that wonderful humorist Erma Bombeck once said in her immutable style, "I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up."

In the end fill your time with positive messages and positive activities and rid your family of negative influences which only destroy and destruct one's happiness and wellbeing. Once again Erma that wise woman once said, "There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt." Life is made up of laughter and tears, how long you spend on both is your choice.

All good things take effort, is your family worth the effort that is for you to decide.

Peace of Christ to you ALL

Copyright © 2006 Marie Smith. All rights reserved.

Spiritual Priorities Continued

Spirituality

We were born to live joy filled lives, is your life full of joy or woe or maybe a mixture of both? Why is it that some families seem to 'have it all' while others bicker, feud and end up dysfunctional? Why do some people seem able to always be happy and a joy to be around while for many more life seems to be an unequal struggle, against budgets, time constraints and deadlines?

At times we look back in time to simpler days when life was less hectic and people had time to enjoy the simple pleasures of life, many of us sigh at the image we are presented and also long for the 'good ole days' but was it that good? As we look back at our grandparents life they seemed to live happier and more content lives, but how can this be when they had less than what we enjoy today? Perhaps it is not so much about having 'things' as having substance and meaning, to everything they did, and that through their combined hard work they enjoyed the simple pleasures of life rather than gripe about the things they could not afford. Maybe Erma Bombeck sums it up with this apt quote, "Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you." Are we in a quest to gain the best for our families or are we longing to own what everybody else has?

In order to simplify our lives we need to understand that this will take effort, some self sacrifice and a realignment of our previous priorities, for the key to family happiness is inner contentment with what you have now and not a longing and discontent for what you do not have or can afford. Another key component is to understand what happiness is and what it is not, for in those who strive to gain things for themselves and their families often find they are leading lives of quiet desperation as their families neediness of 'things' increases while your own health and peace decreases, is it worth the price?

Real happiness and contentment lay in a giving of oneself and an appreciation expressed by those you love for the efforts you have gone through in order to provide the best for your families. Discontent comes when one is left to give, give and give again while other family members take, take and take again, it is an unequal and unjust way of living. None of us are born selfish, we are taught to become selfish by a failure to teach good old fashioned manners and discipline which leads to ingratitude and a breakdown in familial respect of husband and wife towards each other which then extends to their children. This then becomes a vicious circle, as Eleanor Roosevelt expressed her thoughts on happiness with these words, "Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product." The family you have helped prosper will also display the fruits it has learnt from both parents, for real happiness lay not in acquiring things but a giving of yourself to those around you, which then sets the example for your children to follow.

Therefore if you raise your children to take all you do for granted, they will do exactly that! If you don't respect your own work or worth then why should others? Once again as Eleanor Roosevelt once told an audience, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." If you make small of all the work you do within and outside of your home then why should your spouse or children respect what you yourself do not? As the Bible instructs us, "Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and reject not your mother's teaching; A graceful diadem will they be for your head; a torque for your neck." Children will reflect what the parents have placed as all important in their lives, this is not to say that all children are angels or that every fault they display is the fault of the parents but a lack of appreciation and gratitude is indicative of a learned behaviour pattern.

When we fail to acknowledge what our Spouses contribute within the family unit whether it be providing a decent wage in order to live with the necessities of life or whether to provide a clean, healthy and happy environment, then it is the entire family that suffers. It is when children see the appreciation expressed by their parents for each other which validates and honors their own position within the family unit that children will soon follow suit and give their parents the respect they deserve.

Our homes should be an oasis of peace in an often hectic and volatile world, where families who have placed God, Faith and family at the centre of their lives can gain the peace of heart that only Christ can give. This peace is then rejuvenated within the family as both husband and wife appreciate each others work and efforts to help maintain a loving and cozy family atmosphere where the children feel loved and needed. As the mother of Saint Therese once expressed about family life, "When we had our children, our ideas changed somewhat. Thenceforward we lived only for them; they made all our happiness and we would never have found it save in them. In fact, nothing any longer cost us anything; the world was no longer a burden to us. As for me, my children were my great compensation, so that I wished to have many in order to bring them up for Heaven." Zelie Martin had her priorities correct, neither her nor her husband were interested in a race for gaining 'things' at the cost of their family happiness.

When we de-value our partners, by either ignoring their input or by taking for granted all the little things that make life bearable, are we not setting ourselves up for the unbearable a life devoid of love and mutual respect? No divorce ever went through the courts because a husband or wife was too appreciative of their partner, it is usually always the reverse. It is when both husband and wife lose their perspective and sole reason for being that great harm is done to the family unit as children suffer the consequences of parents who placed their priorities on the wrong things. As that wise son of the Church the late Pope John Paul II wrote, "Marriage is an act of will that signifies and involves a mutual gift, which unites the spouses and binds them to their eventual souls, with whom they make up a sole family - a domestic church." Is your home a Heaven full of the love of God and family or a hell full of a love of things and superficialities where respect died along with your promises to love and honor one another?

Simplifying your life simply means regaining the right perspective that in order to gain happiness one must first give it. In order to understand what will make your family happy and healthy one's goal must be to raise your children to have character and integrity by serving God, their families and community. It also means ignoring what society and the worldly try and seduce families into believing that God means nothing and self comes first! As Pope John Paul II warned with these wise words, "The fear of making permanent commitments can change the mutual love of husband and wife into two loves of self-two loves existing side by side, until they end in separation."

In the end if we fear to love, we fail to live.

Peace of Christ to you ALL

Copyright © 2006 Marie Smith. All rights reserved.

Spiritual Priorities

Spirituality

In order to be able to prioritize our lives we need to stop and take stock of what is truly important to each of us and also those we spend our lives with.

What many need most is more than just a superficial glossing over of the trivialities which we think are integral to our well being. We see an Add on TV and think we need the product in order to make our lives easier, or it is the latest fad that everybody who is anybody must have at all costs.

To help us visualize what we have placed as all important let us do this test......If you were told that you had only 48 hours to live, what would you be impelled to do? Go out and buy the latest scandal sheet in order that you know who is divorcing who or what star is squabbling with another? Would you go to your local blockbuster video and DVD store and order reruns of your favourite soap opera's then sit glued to your sofa as you spend the remaining hours of your life in front of the telly?

Wouldn't it be more the case that you would quickly realise that all the above is not truly important to you and that what was once unthinkable to go without now becomes superficial, which pollutes rather than informs your mind and soul. If we really had this situation confront us wouldn't we all make amends to those we have injured and forgive those who have injured us, as we realise that the argument that seemed all important is no longer relevant? Also would it not be the case that we would spend the best time with our families and our dearest friends in order to leave them with treasured memories of us?

At times we need to stop and think and reassess what truly matters to us in order to find what truly makes us happy, and through this we also understand what will make our families happy and productive. But should we always rely on the shock value factor in order for us to reach this level of awareness in our lives?

The key component to how happy or how spiritually fulfilled we long to be lay in the word moderation. It is unhealthy for both adults and children to spend more than 10 hours a week in front of the TV, this also applies to the internet. We may all long for a 'quiet life' but is the mixed messages your children receive from so called 'safe programs' truly what you want to instill in them? Programs such as 'The Simpson's where the father is displayed as an idiot, the mother doesn't seem to know what's going on and the 'Christian' in the programe is seen as a foolish do-gooder while the son is seen as 'cool' because of his smart mouth and wise cracks do you truly want this message relayed to your children? Or other programs such as 'Charmed' where witchcraft is promoted as exciting? We all know the dangers of the internet most especially when a child has access to the computer without proper supervision. We don't always know the dangers when it concerns our Spouses for in every marriage difficulties arise and internet chat rooms are dangerous for encouraging adultery, many forget sin is sin no matter the format!

This is why moderation in all things will help us prioritize what is important and essential to our inner health and happiness, a loving and wholesome relationship with our partner and also happy and unspoiled children, but this takes work it doesn't happen by magic.

Both husband and wife need to validate each others position within their marriage and respect each other's opinions and values, it takes co-operation and a sharing of the household work. No couple can be truly whole and giving when both are overstressed and exhausted, which then becomes exacerbated as your children pick up the vibes of discontentment.

This is where both Spouses need to sit down and decide what is truly important to you both, a happy and content home filled with the necessities of life? Or a home filled with the latest gadgets, TV sets, computers, designer clothes and shoes? For in order to have all these luxuries then both couples need to work full time as they max out their credit cards and take out numerous loans. It is not 'things' that bring joy into your relationship it is spending quality time with your family which will bring a lasting contentment without the stress and exhaustion of trying to provide the unnecessaries of life.

Upon reading this take a look at the purchases in your home and ask are they truly necessary for your well being or are they time wasters with no spiritual input?

In order to truly live happy and wholesome lives, we need to spend quality time with God in prayer as we converse with our Lord without giving Him a list of 'must needs' and instead remain quiet as God fills your soul with Himself. This then refreshes us as we are able to reflect this inner joy to our families in an atmosphere of peace and contentment.

Remember what you choose there too is your heart.

Peace of Christ to you ALL

Copyright © 2006 Marie Smith. All rights reserved.