We were born to live joy filled lives, is your life full of joy or woe or maybe a mixture of both? Why is it that some families seem to 'have it all' while others bicker, feud and end up dysfunctional? Why do some people seem able to always be happy and a joy to be around while for many more life seems to be an unequal struggle, against budgets, time constraints and deadlines?
At times we look back in time to simpler days when life was less hectic and people had time to enjoy the simple pleasures of life, many of us sigh at the image we are presented and also long for the 'good ole days' but was it that good? As we look back at our grandparents life they seemed to live happier and more content lives, but how can this be when they had less than what we enjoy today? Perhaps it is not so much about having 'things' as having substance and meaning, to everything they did, and that through their combined hard work they enjoyed the simple pleasures of life rather than gripe about the things they could not afford. Maybe Erma Bombeck sums it up with this apt quote, "Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you." Are we in a quest to gain the best for our families or are we longing to own what everybody else has?
In order to simplify our lives we need to understand that this will take effort, some self sacrifice and a realignment of our previous priorities, for the key to family happiness is inner contentment with what you have now and not a longing and discontent for what you do not have or can afford. Another key component is to understand what happiness is and what it is not, for in those who strive to gain things for themselves and their families often find they are leading lives of quiet desperation as their families neediness of 'things' increases while your own health and peace decreases, is it worth the price?
Real happiness and contentment lay in a giving of oneself and an appreciation expressed by those you love for the efforts you have gone through in order to provide the best for your families. Discontent comes when one is left to give, give and give again while other family members take, take and take again, it is an unequal and unjust way of living. None of us are born selfish, we are taught to become selfish by a failure to teach good old fashioned manners and discipline which leads to ingratitude and a breakdown in familial respect of husband and wife towards each other which then extends to their children. This then becomes a vicious circle, as Eleanor Roosevelt expressed her thoughts on happiness with these words, "Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product." The family you have helped prosper will also display the fruits it has learnt from both parents, for real happiness lay not in acquiring things but a giving of yourself to those around you, which then sets the example for your children to follow.
Therefore if you raise your children to take all you do for granted, they will do exactly that! If you don't respect your own work or worth then why should others? Once again as Eleanor Roosevelt once told an audience, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." If you make small of all the work you do within and outside of your home then why should your spouse or children respect what you yourself do not? As the Bible instructs us, "Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and reject not your mother's teaching; A graceful diadem will they be for your head; a torque for your neck." Children will reflect what the parents have placed as all important in their lives, this is not to say that all children are angels or that every fault they display is the fault of the parents but a lack of appreciation and gratitude is indicative of a learned behaviour pattern.
When we fail to acknowledge what our Spouses contribute within the family unit whether it be providing a decent wage in order to live with the necessities of life or whether to provide a clean, healthy and happy environment, then it is the entire family that suffers. It is when children see the appreciation expressed by their parents for each other which validates and honors their own position within the family unit that children will soon follow suit and give their parents the respect they deserve.
Our homes should be an oasis of peace in an often hectic and volatile world, where families who have placed God, Faith and family at the centre of their lives can gain the peace of heart that only Christ can give. This peace is then rejuvenated within the family as both husband and wife appreciate each others work and efforts to help maintain a loving and cozy family atmosphere where the children feel loved and needed. As the mother of Saint Therese once expressed about family life, "When we had our children, our ideas changed somewhat. Thenceforward we lived only for them; they made all our happiness and we would never have found it save in them. In fact, nothing any longer cost us anything; the world was no longer a burden to us. As for me, my children were my great compensation, so that I wished to have many in order to bring them up for Heaven." Zelie Martin had her priorities correct, neither her nor her husband were interested in a race for gaining 'things' at the cost of their family happiness.
When we de-value our partners, by either ignoring their input or by taking for granted all the little things that make life bearable, are we not setting ourselves up for the unbearable a life devoid of love and mutual respect? No divorce ever went through the courts because a husband or wife was too appreciative of their partner, it is usually always the reverse. It is when both husband and wife lose their perspective and sole reason for being that great harm is done to the family unit as children suffer the consequences of parents who placed their priorities on the wrong things. As that wise son of the Church the late Pope John Paul II wrote, "Marriage is an act of will that signifies and involves a mutual gift, which unites the spouses and binds them to their eventual souls, with whom they make up a sole family - a domestic church." Is your home a Heaven full of the love of God and family or a hell full of a love of things and superficialities where respect died along with your promises to love and honor one another?
Simplifying your life simply means regaining the right perspective that in order to gain happiness one must first give it. In order to understand what will make your family happy and healthy one's goal must be to raise your children to have character and integrity by serving God, their families and community. It also means ignoring what society and the worldly try and seduce families into believing that God means nothing and self comes first! As Pope John Paul II warned with these wise words, "The fear of making permanent commitments can change the mutual love of husband and wife into two loves of self-two loves existing side by side, until they end in separation."
In the end if we fear to love, we fail to live.
Peace of Christ to you ALL
Copyright © 2006 Marie Smith. All rights reserved.
No comments:
Post a Comment