There is an old saying that many will be acquainted with, that 'forgiveness is divine' who ever was the author of that quote had it right for it most certainly IS Divine. Many of us find forgiveness difficult most especially if the person who has hurt or harmed us is not sorry for having done so, this makes the act of forgiveness almost impossible.
This is why we need to seek out Gods Healing Grace through prayer and then allow time to heal the pain that may still lay within the heart, but what we cannot do is absolve the one who has inflicted this pain upon us, that prerogative lay within Gods Power and not our own.
In order to be able to forgive another we must seek out the Divine Physician to heal our own hurts so that we do not turn into what we despise and use the same weapons against the perpetrator of our own pain. This is why we must beseech our Lord through prayer for the necessary Grace to forgive those who have caused us harm for within ourselves we have not the love necessary.
Let us first understand what forgiveness is and what it is not. When we forgive another for the harm done this does not mean we condone their actions and give them a free pass with no repercussions or accountability. What it does mean is that we hand our pain to our Lord who will look within the soul and the intent of both persons involved, for when someone strikes out in anger against us there is usually a reason even if that reason is unreasonable. We do not have the ability to read souls and therefore discover the underlying reasons behind the intent, that too is the prerogative of God.
Wherever there is malicious intent there will be a reckoning between the wrongdoer and his Creator, we read this in the account of Cain and Abel, where Cain became resentful and then envious of his brothers relationship with God but instead of changing his own faulty attitudes he chose instead to remove that which had caused his envy his brother Abel by murder! Even in this action Cain showed no remorse for the murder of his brother and instead in the ultimate act of self absorption Cain's own feelings revolved totally upon himself he cried to God that "My punishment is too great to bear. Since you have now banished me from the soil, and I must avoid your presence and become a restless wanderer on the earth, anyone may kill me at sight." Even here Cain questions Gods ability to be in control of all He has created by questioning his own safety, He doubted Gods Goodness and instead cried out for his own welfare over and above anyone else's. Though Cain took this action, it did not go unpunished as Cain was made a wanderer for the murder of his innocent brother who had done no more than please God.
When others strike out at us we are often unaware of the why and instead we become hurt, confused and then rise in indignation against the assault done on our person or those we love. When a person is being deliberately malicious the underlying reason is envy of who you are which then turns into resentment as the person is too lazy to change their own ways, they then resort to trying to destroy your very essence. This maliciousness is driven by fear as the person who is filled with hate projects their own lack of esteem and self-worth unto their intended victim. The victim essentially becomes a mirror reflection of the haters own image of malice and aggression, the person who is filled with hate cannot stand to see this reflection of themselves in all its rawness and so it sets out on a course of destroying that which has touched upon its own insecurities and strikes out at any threat of being exposed to all eyes.
It is when we see these souls so full of malice and envy that we must recognise the source of its malady and that is always fear that they shall be found wanting in all things, therefore they will strike out and even plot the downfall of those who have threatened them. What is missing within these souls is love, for 'perfect love drives out all fear' in the person who has chosen to hate their fear of being discovered drives them onwards towards duplicity in all its various forms. Very few of us possess a good knowledge of ourselves therefore at one stage or another we may all find ourselves more driven by fear than love, in the words of Thomas a Kempis, "To truly know ourselves and have a true realization of the lowliness, the baseness, the meanness that we are potentially capable of is a high science of the soul." In order to know ourselves we must learn who God is, and how very different our nature is from the Divine, and upon recognising this we then turn to our Creator and pray for the Graces needed to rise above our base nature.
Nothing gratifies the soul that hates more than to see its victim strike back with equal levels of hate and malice, for what greater victory can there be than to make its victim become what it hates? This allows the person filled with malice to say in all truth 'you have become a reflection of what you hate, therefore you are no better than me', how very self satisfying for the hater to bring the hated down to its own level.
This is why it is essential that in our pain and anguish we turn to God to heal the hurt within so that we do not become what we hate. Forgiveness has nothing to do with aiding and abetting the wrong done but it does have everything to do with freeing us from the bondage of a vengeful spirit. In our efforts to heal it helps to remember where our focus should be and that is not on ourselves or on pleasing or impressing others but in pleasing God and relying on God to aid us in our hour of need, what does it matter if malicious rumours spread if your conscience is clear before God?
Saint Francis de Sales explains it this way, "The following advice of St. Gregory is useful: whenever you are 'justly accused' of a fault, humble yourself, and candidly confess that you deserve more than the accusation which is brought against you; but, if the charge be false, excuse yourself meekly, denying your guilt, for you owe this respect to truth, and to the edification of your neighbor. But if, after your true and lawful excuse, they should continue to accuse you, trouble not yourself nor strive to have your excuse admitted; for, having discharged your duty to truth, you must also do the same to humility, by which means you neither offend against the care you ought to have of your reputation, nor the love you owe to peace, meekness of heart, and humility." This being said is one thing, but when our hearts are grieving over a malicious attack it helps to go to our friends for comfort and aid so Saint Francis continues in this vein, "Complain as little as possible of the wrongs you suffer; for, commonly speaking, he that complains sins, because self-love magnifies the injuries we suffer, and makes us believe them greater than they really are. Make no complaint to choleric or censorious persons; but if complaints be necessary, either to remedy the offense or restore quiet to your mind, let them be made to the meek and charitable, who truly love God; otherwise, instead of easing your heart, they will provoke it to greater pain; for instead of extracting the thorn, they will sink it the deeper."
This warns us that if we continue to bemoan what has befallen us we risk the possibility of rejecting Gods Healing embrace for when rancor is in the heart, God's voice is drowned out by the chorus of discontent. We must remember at all times, that the spirit we feed will grow whether it be the Spirit of Love or the spirit of revenge, one will fill us with peace the other will fill us with discord, but the choice is always ours. We need to keep our focus on what is pleasing to God rather than allow another's attempt at disrupting our inner peace to succeed, as St. Teresa of Avila wrote, "Those whom they fear - and it is right they fear and always ask the Lord to be freed from them - are the traitorous enemies, the devils who transfigure themselves into angels of light who are disguised. Not until they have done much harm to the soul do they allow themselves to be recognized. They suck our blood and destroy our virtues and we go about in the midst of the same temptation but do not know it." Here St. Teresa warns us of the enemies tactics to turn us into what we hate by allowing our emotions to rule over every sphere of ourselves and allowing our thoughts to continually linger on the wrongs done rather than on God's Healing Grace and His benevolent Love.
When a heart is driven by fear this allows us to discern the spirit within the individual who is bent upon destroying the innocent, these people will use the devils tools as in lying, cunning and rumour mongering to try and drive a wedge between us and God, once again Saint Teresa warns us, "The devil can give the savor and delight that seem to be spiritual, but he doesn't have the power to join pain - and so much of it - to the spiritual quiet and delight of the soul. For all of his powers are on the outside, and the pains he causes are never in my opinion, delightful or peaceful but disturbing and contentious. Thus, the devil has to get at the soul from outside of the soul since only God occupies the soul."
For the soul that is at peace with God and their fellow man will face attack from outside of themselves in that the devil can only tempt us he cannot infiltrate into our souls unless he is invited. To the humble who meekly follow God and try to do good to others will face the attacks of the father of lies through the machinations of his children who work in league with the powers of darkness.
The only weapon that we have to defeat these malicious attacks by the father of lies and the children of darkness is to open our hearts to God in order to forgive that which has harmed us and to then discipline our minds to move on rather than sit and brood over wrongs done. When we recognise what is the motivating force of the attacker it allows us the ability to remain at peace and allow God in His Wisdom to judge the hearts of both as we move beyond the getting even stage and keep our focus on God and God alone!
When we forgive another it is the greatest test of our love for and of God in that nothing happens to us that God has not allowed, let us then move beyond the emotive feelings and instead seek to forgive the wrongdoer, lest we be found in the same condition. Therefore empty your hearts of all rancor as we meditate on the Passion of our Lord who died for our iniquities, for if God rendered an accounting who among us could pay the bill?
Peace of Christ to ALL
Copyright © 2006 Marie Smith. All rights reserved.
Catholic Spirituality
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