There are many TV shows on the air waves which give us a glimpse of the inner workings of some families. One example is the Osbourne family, who allowed a television crew to record all their family moments, both the good times and the bad. One can admire their bravery and honesty as they lived life in the fast lane, but, is this the example we should aspire too?
If a camera crew were to move into your home what would it reveal? A family as dysfunctional as the Osbourne's? Or a family that has its priorities in the correct order, God first, then spouse and children. This is not to suggest that all families who place God first are perfect, but, it does say that through God they can be perfected. Though many families long to have a more peaceful and loving environment, still, they struggle to achieve this as life becomes more and more frenetic. As the late Morrie Schwartz once said, "So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning." There is nothing meaningful in a house full of expensive, but, inanimate objects, no matter how beautiful they seem to be.
In order to have a family that resembles our greatest example, that of The Holy Family, we must place God at its centre and not on the periphery. This means giving God all of our attention and love, and not merely paying 'lip service'. If we are not praying from the heart, then don't waste the words. Why do we think that God our Father will be happy with 'duty love'? Would you want your children to merely give you the leftovers of their love? Why then do so many give God their leftovers, a quick ten minute habit prayer before they begin working on more 'important stuff'. We are reminded what dangers can affect the family unit by these wise words from our late Pope John Paul II, "The great danger for family life, in the midst of any society whose idols are pleasure, comfort and independence, lies in the fact that people close their hearts and become selfish." When family members only focus on fulfilling their individual needs at the expense of the rest of their family, the whole family suffers.
To have a Godly family we must then begin with the basics, one of which is the study of Scripture in a reflective manner, and then prayer which involves the whole family unit. Leading this Godly family should be the head of the home which is the husband, with the full support of his wife as they lead their children in understanding God through His Word and to pray from the heart. One of the best ways to achieve this is to have a 'sacred space' in your home where a table is always presented with the Bible, a religious statue, Holy Water or Blessed Salt. In order to project a feeling of the Sacred, a lighted candle would set the atmosphere in a more reverent way as both husband and wife along with their children, place all the stresses and concerns of the day aside as they open their hearts to the Triune Spirit.
This way of life will require much discipline and at the beginning your children may rail against taking part in what will help build them into loving and responsible individuals. Though the children may lack the wisdom as to what will make them happy, the parents do. In order to have peace within the home it must begin in the individual heart. As St. Mary Magdalen de Pazzi once wrote concerning prayer, "Prayer ought to be humble, fervent, resigned, persevering, and accompanied with great reverence. One should consider that he stands in the presence of a God, and speaks with a Lord before whom the angels tremble from awe and fear." It is a good thing to remind our families that God is a loving and benevolent Father and not some 'figure' who is distant from us. In order to begin a more prayerful family life it would be a good idea to begin the day with a short verse from the Bible and to pray for God's guidance and protection throughout the day. Also a prayer to our Guardian Angels would be helpful.
It is the structure that matters: to begin the day with prayer, and to end it with the study of Scripture, which reveals to us God's Will, and to finish the day with prayer. This must also be done not out of habit, but, from a flowing forth of love to the Divine, we then in turn become strengthened by God's Loving Grace. It is essential that through this prayer time that the father take the lead as head of the home with the mother as his helpmate. This teaches children from the beginning how God designed the family unit through the example of Joseph, Mary and Jesus. As the Word instructs families, "We do not keep them from our children; we recite them to the next generation, The praiseworthy and mighty deeds of the LORD, the wonders that he performed. God set up a decree in Jacob, established a law in Israel: What he commanded our ancestors, they were to teach their children; That the next generation might come to know, children yet to be born. In turn they were to recite them to their children, that they too might put their trust in God, And not forget the works of God, keeping his commandments." We must also remember, that once Joseph was betrothed to Mary, it was to Joseph that the Angels appeared in honour of his position as head of the home.
Another crucial time of the day is mealtimes, most especially the evening meal, as it is at this time of the day that is less rushed than breakfast. In order for families to be able to connect with one another we need intimacy and sharing. This cannot be done if we gobble our meals before a TV screen, as the TV provides entertainment and is not a replacement for intimacy. To have meals prepared and the table set will take the organizational abilities of the mother as the tone is set with table cloths, napkins... a proper dinner setting. The evening meal should not be rushed as the family sit down to break bread with one another, and to not only enjoy the meal but also to enjoy the company of each other, as they share amongst themselves the events of the day.
Upon finishing the evening meal the family should then gather together for the reading of the Bible and prayer time, as each member reflects on the Word of God and how it pertains to their Faith alongside the Teachings of the Church. Prayer is also vital as families open their hearts to the indwelling Spirit and allow the words to flow forth. We also need to understand that none of us need to be great raconteurs but to speak with God from our hearts without becoming self-conscious. As St. Isidore wrote, "Prayer purifies us, reading instructs us... If a man wants to be always in God's company, he must pray regularly and read regularly. When we pray, we talk to God; when we read, God talks to us." Parents also need to keep in mind that ways of expressing our Faith does not mean being deadly serious but to inject lighter moments and to perhaps sing a prayer of thanksgiving to our Lord and God.
All of this may seem simple enough, but, it is not. It takes effort, organizational abilities and the will to let go of doing 'things' in a 'busyness' which distracts our attention away from God. This may also sound improbable as you look at your daily schedule and if it looks impossible to fit in prayer, then what and in whom have you placed first?
In finishing if you have no time to pray then you are in danger of losing The Way.
Peace of Christ to you ALL
Copyright © 2006 Marie Smith. All rights reserved.
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