In our efforts to create a peaceful environment for our families we end up doing the exact opposite why is this so?
It could be that many families are trying to hard to strive for happiness and making the wrong choices along the way which affects the whole family. Some of this could be caused by becoming confused over transitory happiness and long lasting contentment.
When something good happens we are instantly happy and feel a rush of warm emotions and joy, but this type of happiness is transitory. Whereas contentment loves what you have and where you are without need of constant reassurances of your worth, the content person knows their own worth which brings forth confidence without arrogance.
Contentment must not be confused with apathy. The apathetic person cares for no-one but themselves, they risk nothing as they give as little as possible of themselves to others. Apathy is not only your enemy it is the enemy of the family unit.
In order to create a peaceful and loving environment many need to understand the needs of their partners, which may not always be the same as yours. What makes one person happy may make another very unhappy, in order to understand what your Spouses needs are there must be open communication between the two.
In many divorce cases the most prominent complaint that the both Spouses site are indifference towards each other and a lack of appreciation for your efforts in working and trying to provide the best for each other and your children.
One of the main problem areas is an undefined position status within the family unit. This is a societal problem which is affecting many families as the lines become blurred over 'who wears the trousers' in the family. This is where we need to understand how God ordained the family unit and to be obedient to His Commandments. The Holy Family gives us the best example of how a family should be, as upon marrying Mary it was to Joseph that the Angels appeared thereby acknowledging this most holy and chaste husband as Head of the home.
We also have the Letters of Paul which instruct us with these words of Scripture, "Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body. As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. So (also) husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.....In any case, each one of you should love his wife as himself, and the wife should respect her husband." At times this one piece of Scripture can be over extended as husbands concentrate on the word submission and wives focus on the love verse, this then causes friction as both misunderstand the context from which it is written.
In order to have a healthy marriage the position of each Spouse must be respected and not denigrated or made less by comparing who produces or provides more for the home. It is also beneficial for couples to understand each others needs so as to co-operate in the building up of their family home and to feel fulfilled within their marriage bond. While women need to feel cherished and appreciated by their husbands, the husband often sites the need for their wives continued respect to him as head of the home. To many men respect counts more than acts of affection, respect is crucial to the husband’s wellbeing.
The one ingredient that is the mainstay of the marriage is for both husband and wife to validate each others position within the marriage, this takes, diplomacy, delicacy and tact. No divorce has ever occurred because the Spouse said thankyou once too often, usually it is the exact opposite, which will cause the breakdown of the marriage.
When there is friction within the marriage the children of such a volatile relationship will pick up on the unhappy and unhealthy atmosphere and due to the child’s insecurity they will often play one partner against the other. Family life should not be a war zone where lines are drawn and the parents become each other's enemy while the victims are the children. The repercussions of this unhappy situation is to be seen in those who grow into manipulative adults who can no longer decipher another's need above their own, therefore the vicious circle continues onto another generation.
This friction can be avoided if husband and wife live accordingly to what the Bible reveals to each of us and what the Catholic Church instructs us as to forming a holy union of man and wife bound together through the Sacrament of the Church. As the Catholic Catechism instructs us, 1604 God who created man out of love also calls him to love the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being. For man is created in the image and likeness of God who is himself love. Since God created him man and woman, their mutual love becomes an image of the absolute and unfailing love with which God loves man. It is good, very good, in the Creator's eyes. And this love which God blesses is intended to be fruitful and to be realized in the common work of watching over creation: "And God blessed them, and God said to them: 'Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it.' Through this we are able to envision the marriage state as wholesome, Holy and beneficial to the wellbeing of the couple and also society as a whole.
In order to bring a sense of order to your marriage and the security your children have by right, there must be from both couples a sense of selflessness as they make the happiness of their Spouses the priority and the commitment they both made before God, comes before any selfish needs.
To obtain this inner contentment both couples must disregard and ignore a dysfunctional society that propagates the message of 'ME first' and instead remain focussed on what God and the Catholic Church teaches us through the Sacraments and the Word of God.
As is the case in most things a contented and happy marriage takes work it does not happen by doing nothing and hoping for the best. Once the couple have understood what is beneficial to each of them, a need to be cherished and respected, the only thing that can prevent eternal happiness of one to the other is they themselves.
In the end the happiness of your family is in your hands, therefore choose wisely.
Peace of Christ to you ALL
Copyright © 2006 Marie Smith. All rights reserved.
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