Thursday, May 25, 2006

Respect and Decency...Where Have They Gone?



Come on now. Tell me the truth... you've said it. You have heard it said again and again. You have discussed it with your family, co-workers, friends, and even strangers in impromptu conversations. It's more often than not in the form of a question. And that question is.."where has common decency gone?"

We have all said it, and with good reason too. You cannot turn on the radio, the television, the computer; you cannot go to the movies, without being bombarded with sexual innuendos, graphic pictures, graphic talk, and just plain out and out filth. You know it is getting bad when the first words a five year old uses after about a week in his kindergarten class is a word that, as my mom would have put it, "is enough to make a sailor blush".

Unfortunately, in this day and age, filthy talk is the "norm" in society at large. So much so, that "polite society", kindness, and just plain old manners seem to have gone the way of the dinosaur. People use the "F" word freely, randomly, no matter who may be present, and with no more forethought or concern than that which is required for taking their next breath. They willingly take the Lord's name in vain, as if there is nothing shameful or harmful in doing so.

I live in the mountains of North Carolina, one of those southern states, that was known throughout the USA, even the world, for the friendliness, hospitality, courtesy and gentility of its people. Yet, more and more, those good qualities seem to be seen and heard less and less. People seem to have lost respect for others, and even more so, for themselves.

People say, "well, times have changed"....people aren't so "uptight" as they were 10, 20, or 30 years ago. How "uptight" is it, to resist using the foul language that seems so rampant? I recall as a youngster, my father impressing on all three of his sons that at no time was cursing in public permissible and certainly no foul language in mixed company. We all knew that if we slipped up and did or said anything outside of the boundaries set for us, we'd catch it and catch it big! Although it was not fear of punishment that kept us following his instruction, it was his teaching us that not only was it showing good manners and respect to others, it was also a matter of honor.

Anyone who used such language was common, what we in the south called "trash". That may seem a harsh word or term, but has the same meaning and connotation as "common" is used in other countries. Yet, time and again, we see and hear indecency in film, music, television, and on the "net". People laugh when they hear or see it. Yet, is it laughter from finding things said and done funny, or is it a nervous laugh because they don't know quite else what to do? They don't want to be seen as "old fashioned" or as a "stick in the mud", so they either keep quiet or they go along with it, refusing to go against the current. How many times have we gone along with language or actions just to be "part of the gang"? We may even participate, and then claim it is all just harmless "fun" that hurts no one. There are no injuries; there is no victimization by seeing and repeating indecencies. Why, who in the world could be hurt by saying the "F" word? Who could be hurt by listening to music or watching movies with profanity and worse? Who? YOU!!!

Yes, you!! When we use foul language, when we listen to the music, when we watch films with all its foulness and all of its anti-social qualities, WE are the losers. Here is a little parable on how it eventually affects us: John is a worker with a landscaping company. John is very proud of the fact that he is immune to the effects of poison ivy. He brags how he could roll in it, and never break out from coming into contact with it. He grabs it with his bare hands and pulls it up by the roots. He carries it from wherever he is working, and laughs as other workers move quickly out of his way when he carries it to be hauled away with other brush. Then after a few years of this, John is carrying away an armful of it from a job sight. The poison ivy is in his bare arms, some of it even brushing against his face. Three nights later, John awakens with a terrible burning itch all over his arms and face. When he looks at his arms, they are covered with an angry looking red rash he is not familiar with. When he looks in the mirror, he sees the same red rash over his face, almost in his eyes. John goes to the doctor, and finds he had a reaction to poison ivy. John finds, that repeatedly coming into contact with the poison ivy has lowered his resistance to it, and that now he is just as susceptible to it as everyone else.

When we, participate in indecent behavior, through language, actions, or whatever, we then lower our resistance to it, and our participation becomes easier, and our conscience is dulled towards it.

Mark 7: 21 For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, 22 Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. 23 All these evil things come from within and defile a man.

James 3: 8 But the tongue no man can tame, an unquiet evil, full of deadly poison. 9 By it we bless God and the Father: and by it we curse men who are made after the likeness of God. 10 Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be. 11 Doth a fountain send forth, out of the same hole, sweet and bitter water? 12 Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear grapes? Or the vine, figs? So neither can the salt water yield sweet. 13 Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge, among you? Let him shew, by a good contestation, his work in the meekness of wisdom. 14 But if you have bitter zeal, and there be contention in your hearts: glory not and be not liars against the truth. 15 For this is not wisdom, descending from above: but earthly, sensual, devilish. 16 For where envying and contention is: there is inconstancy and every evil work. 17 But the wisdom that is from above, first indeed is chaste, then peaceable, modest, easy to be persuaded, consenting to the good, full of mercy and good fruits, without judging, without dissimulation. 18 And the fruit of justice is sown in peace, to them that make peace.

1 Corinthians 15: 33 Be not seduced: Evil communications corrupt good manners.

Ephesians 5: 11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness: but rather reprove them. 12 For the things that are done by them in secret, it is a shame even to speak of.

Hebrews 12: 14 Follow peace with all men and holiness: without which no man shall see God. 15 Looking diligently, lest any man be wanting to the grace of God: lest any root of bitterness springing up do hinder and by it many be defiled.


Copyright © 2006 Steve Smith. All Rights Reserved.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Spirituality-Teach Your Children Well



When we look outside of our own families and see the disintegration which has become society, we can shake our heads and wonder how we got here. Where children beat, bully or kill those they dislike, where drugs and rave parties are being encouraged and where children are more comfortable speaking profanities than converse or debate their idea's peacefully, how did we get here? We have reached this stage because we have allowed it to happen.

We are an over indulgent generation, who have spoilt our children till they become the adults parents deserve! Sound harsh? By following the maxims of the experts this generation of children are now paying the price, as parents allowed the therapists, psychiatrists and psychologists to dictate to them how they should raise their child. It is time to claim your own children and raise them to God's standard rather than the ideology of the 'feel good' therapists.

In an age where the word discipline has acquired a bad reputation as parents allow their children free reign to express themselves which is usually shown by throwing tantrums over what they cannot have. Where is the psychologist when your child is on the floor of your local supermarket throwing a good old fashioned temper tantrum?

It is time for parents to stop reading the latest new age best seller on how to improve your family and rely instead on their common sense. When a parent shows a child that with them there no boundaries is it any wonder that the child will grow wayward and also fall into a bad lifestyle? There is nothing worse than seeing an over-indulged, spoilt and pampered child behaving badly as the parents look on bewildered and embarrassed by their little 'darlings'. As St. Teresa of Avila once wrote, "Were I to give parents counsel, I would warn them to be well advised, as to what persons are the companions of their children. I profited nothing by the virtue of my sister. But, I retained all the bad example, given me by another family member, who had haunted(visited) our house." Look closely at your children's companions and do not allow the seed of corruption to enter your family through a 'side door'.

Let us look within Scripture to learn true and sincere wisdom, as it says in the Book of Proverbs,"The rod of correction gives wisdom, but a boy left to his whims disgraces his mother." Does it look like God is against chastising your errant child? Will God turn His back on you if you correctly discipline your badly behaved child? No! Then why the guilt over disciplining your offspring when they are being naughty? A few verses down and we read this, "Correct your son, and he will bring you comfort, and give delight to your soul." Surely this is advocating to use wise and correct forms of disciplining your child, so that they may grow into loving, compassionate and caring individuals, who respect you as their parents and are obedient to God's Will, by following the parents example.

This is not to say that for every mistake a child should be beaten but nor should the child's action be condoned. It is a fine line for many parents to tread for children have an inherent sense of justice and become irate if their punishment is not merited. Parents need to practice wisdom, compassion and proper judgment when it comes to chastising their children, when they have behaved badly. Be aware also that parents need to discipline themselves as well, for to hit out at your child for a small misdemeanor will cause great harm especially if the motivating force within the parent is irritability or simply the parent having a bad day.

When it comes to disciplining your child allow your own common sense and inherent knowledge of your child to guide you. Not every child will respond to spankings, there are other ways of chastising your child that does not have to involve physical smacks. There is 'time out' or depriving your child of the luxuries they love such as dessert, not allowing them to watch their favourite TV programs or missing out on an outing. What is essential is that parents MUST follow through with their threatened measure of discipline, or they will incur their children's contempt!

Consistency is the key to raising and administering discipline to your children in a fair and justifiable manner, your child will not be scarred for life if you chastise them for bad behavior, so long as the child understands why it is being disciplined.

One of the biggest mistakes that many parents make is in trying to become their child's 'best friend'. This is a distortion of the parental relationship which will lead to dysfunction as it is the parent who must set limits to the child's demands, how can they if they are aiming to 'please' their child at all costs? A child is also not above manipulating their parents feelings, for nearly every child will push the boundaries to see how far they can go before they are confronted with the word no. A parent should also expect to hear complaints and patiently endure the 'I hate you' words as their child is vexed at not getting their own way.

Being a parent is not an easy ride it is emotionally exhausting but also emotionally fulfilling as they watch their child grow into well adjusted adulthood. Parenthood is a vocation for life, there is no retirement from being the parent but the rewards are great if your child is raised correctly. In this secular society it is not a good thing to leave the teaching of what is right and wrong to the educational authorities when it comes to your children. Especially at a time where sin is being promoted as a 'lifestyle choice' and the 'anything goes if it feels good' philosophy gains ground.

It is good to remember that your child is a gift from God, therefore raise your child to be obedient to God's Commandments and make sure that you yourself are obedient to God's Commandments, lest your child witness your own hypocrisy. As this quote says, "Live in such a way that those who know you but don’t know God will come to know God because they know you." This is also true concerning your children they learn their faith from the parents. Also be mindful of the Catholic Churches Teachings and to be obedient to them as they are and not your own private version of what you think it should be. In all things obedience is the key, without obedience you have waywardness and lawlessness. As Scripture teaches us, "Children, obey your parents (in the Lord), for this is right. "Honor your father and mother." This is the first commandment with a promise, "that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life on earth." Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up with the training and instruction of the Lord." Who do you listen too the latest 'feel good' book or the Word of God?

In the end teach your children well, for you are their example, the key to their happiness is in your hands.


Peace of Christ to you ALL

Copyright © 2006 Marie Smith. All rights reserved.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Spirituality-To Honour and Obey



The word helpmate has gained a bad reputation among feminist followers who then try and use it by giving it the wrong connotation, that woman is man's doormat, this is not so! Women need to look and read less of what society is only to ready to supply with its militant stand against anything masculine as if being a man was a crime, and being a woman is to be shamed!

In order to gain a Biblical sense of the importance of a woman's role in the life of her family and also society as a whole let us see what the Word reveals, The LORD God said: "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a suitable partner for him....So the LORD God cast a deep sleep on the man, and while he was asleep, he took out one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. The LORD God then built up into a woman the rib that he had taken from the man. When he brought her to the man, the man said: "This one, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; This one shall be called 'woman,' for out of 'her man' this one has been taken." That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body." We also read in Proverbs these Words of Divine instruction, "A gracious woman wins esteem, but she who hates virtue is covered with shame. (The slothful become impoverished, but the diligent gain wealth.) A kindly man benefits himself, but a merciless man harms himself." We see here that God does not differentiate between man and woman, as both can be good and both can also choose to do evil and face the consequences of their actions. Once again in Proverbs we read, "She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs at the days to come.She opens her mouth in wisdom, and on her tongue is kindly counsel. She watches the conduct of her household, and eats not her food in idleness. Her children rise up and praise her; her husband, too, extols her: "Many are the women of proven worth, but you have excelled them all." Charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting; the woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her a reward of her labors, and let her works praise her at the city gates."

In the above Scripture passages we can understand that it is not God who has distorted the view of the Holy Union between man and wife. It is the world, society as a whole who have scorned the Word of God in favour of their own misinformed bigotry. The wife's role in marriage is paramount to its happiness and completeness for through the loving nurturing and selfless giving of herself the man is made whole, through the Gift of woman both couples are made complete, through the self giving of each other. We also read in Galatians the love which God expresses to both His creatures, "For through faith you are all children of God in Christ Jesus. For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free person, there is not male and female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus." God's love is expressed equally towards both sexes, it is man himself who corrupts this Divine Law, by compromising the Truths of God and replacing it with his or her own misconceived and misguided opinions and creating the 'war of the sexes' which in God's Eye does not exist! It is a man created idea completely devoid of Divine Light.

The role of wife and mother is unique unto the woman for in her we see the strengths that only she can give to the union of both man and woman. And as the wife leads so too do the children follow, therefore if the wife respects her husband the children will respect their father. The opposite also exists for if the wife shows disrespect towards her Spouse so too the children will show disrespect towards both Father and Mother, as the institution of marriage crumbles from the faulty foundation of selfishness over selflessness. The role of Mother is crucial to the happiness of the marriage it is to the Mother that the children learn submission as the wife submits to the leadership role of the husband as God has Ordained. In learning from the mother the children will also submit themselves to the parents equal authority. As Jacqueline Kennedy once said, "If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do matters very much." As the role of the Father is to be the provider and leader in the home then the role of the mother must be that of nurturer and support to her husband and children.

Marriage is more than a clinical document it is a Covenant between two people a promise to honour, love and esteem each other over anyone else. Marriage is also a Sacrament, where two people make a promise to God to honour love and obey one another from mutual respect and obedience to God's Commandments to remain faithful to one another.

Submission does not mean slavery where the woman is supposed to obey all her husbands orders as if she were a subordinate without a will of her own or a mindless robot, as in the Stepford wives. When the husband begins to treat his wife as his lackey this will foster a deep sense of injustice and hurt to the wife as she begins to resent the position which the husband on his own has assigned her. A situation like this cannot be maintained and the marriage will soon deteriorate into manipulation and coercion before both couples declare outright war where there are no victors! It is the case too that a wife must not leave all decisions to the husband or impose on him the sole right to discipline their children, in other words it is not a good thing to turn the father into a bogeyman who the children fear rather than love.

A good marriage is a meeting of both minds and hearts, where two people decide together how they wish to raise their children and what support they can give to each other. The keyword in any marriage is mutual RESPECT, without respect there is no relationship. All marriages suffer through rocky times and tensions can become fraught but if the respect remains then the problems can be solved by open communication and to be mindful of Gods Command to not commit adultery. At times all marriages can fall into a bland routine, but as this anonymous quote says, "God, if I can't have what I want, let me want what I have." It is a case of counting one's blessings even amidst the ordinary everyday chores and realising that what you have is worth keeping.

In all things we must appreciate the difference which each person brings into the marriage, the man through his strength and leadership the woman through her nurturing and support can each validate the others position in their Marital Covenant. As Helen Keller once wrote, "Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing." It is the same with love, in order to love deeply one exposes their heart and its vulnerability and in risking all the soul gains all. No-one gains by a love half given as a person plays it safe rather than risk giving of themselves. Sincere and passionate love is all about self emptying, a giving of oneself to another.

For marriage to be a success there must be God at the centre of both their hearts for when God is removed from the scene, chaos and ego enter. The Faith of the family is essential for a healthy spirituality, for if we are relying totally on our own strength the well will quickly run dry as the family thirst through their own selfishness. It is God that centres one on what is important in life and through this enlightenment comes wisdom from the Triune Spirit. What is most important in all cases is not what you can get out of a situation or from a person it is in realising what you can give, as this anonymous quote says, "What most people need to learn in life is how to love people and use things instead of using people and loving things." When we understand this we realise that without the element of love then everything is meaningless. It is God who gives meaning to our lives and a purpose for our existence, to love God and to love one another. When it comes to marriage it symbolizes the Mystical qualities of the Divine Love of God towards man, an emptying of self as Christ emptied Himself for love alone.

To find the perfect example of the love exemplified by Christ we need look no further than that most Holy of families Joseph, Mary and Jesus, for not once did Mary question Josephs decisions but instead humbly followed his lead as Joseph submitted his will to Gods Divine Will as did Mary.

For a marriage to succeed it takes two, for one is a lonely number indeed.


Peace of Christ to you ALL

Copyright © 2006 Marie Smith. All rights reserved.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Leadership In The Home


Spirituality

In today's society men can often feel under attack as the role of man and woman Created as God wished it to be becomes dysfunctional and many men find themselves under attack by simply being who they are.

Many men can feel redundant as science attempts to duplicate human life through the bottom of a test tube. They are also under attack by the feminist lobby who wish to emasculate man to suit their own distorted agenda, which includes the feminists self-deification, where they presume to make themselves Creator.

God Created both man and woman to compliment one another it is people who turn this wondrous Gift of each other into a competition, with devastating consequences for all.

It is not only women who feel unappreciated and unloved, men also feel these same emotions when their efforts are not validated or are taken for granted. As society tries to change Christian values through various avenues, the family unit comes under more threat and men are subjected to a barrage of temptations and frustrations. As Saint Augustine wrote, "In marriage, however, let the blessings of marriage be loved: offspring, fidelity, and the sacramental bond. Offspring, not so much because it may be born, but because it can be reborn; for it is born to punishment unless it be reborn to life. Fidelity, but not such as even the unbelievers have among themselves, ardent as they are for the flesh. . . .. The sacramental bond, which they lose neither through separation nor through adultery, this the spouses should guard chastely and harmoniously"

Often times the wife does not understand the enormous load that the husband carries as he valiantly tries to provide the best for his family and to give the best of himself to his beloved wife. Some of this misunderstanding and tension is caused by the wife's lack of knowledge in understanding the stresses and strains of the husbands daily work life.

It is often the case that many men work at jobs they do not like and endure the frustration of their work never being appreciated, if anything some bosses treat their workers as little more than commodities to be tossed aside and replaced by a 'newer' version. An employer is not very interested in the spiritual wellbeing of the man he has employed, therefore it is up to the wife to provide a safe haven for her tired and worn out husband.

The heavy burden that the man carries needs to be understood, for even if the husband is working at a job he loathes there is no way out for him as he is responsible for the physical wellbeing of his family as the provider. Many men can feel trapped when they are forced to continue working at places where they are ridiculed and humiliated by their bosses on a daily basis. Though he may not like his place of employment the husband must stay at his workplace irrespective of his feelings and his needs, he has very little choice in the matter. This can lead to great frustration and aggravation as the man feels trapped by his circumstances.

This is not to say that he does not love his family the very fact that he stays at his job proves his love, and a selfless love at that as the husband places his wife and his children over and above his own needs and wants. The husband and father cannot simply quit if he hates his job, who then would feed his family?

The working man most especially as middle age creeps up and redundancies become common place, faces even more stresses as he realizes that he and his family may be one pay check away from losing their home. All this places enormous strain on his own feelings of adequacy, in a dog eat dog world that the husband confronts each day.

This is not to say that he would wish his family gone, the husband and father endures all this for love of his family and would not wish it any other way. This is the act of the most selfless love a man can give to a woman and his children.

It is because the man of the home faces these enormous responsibilities that the wife must and should remain his helpmate and also his port in the storms of life, a resting place for his weary body and soul.

The husband must also be the leader when it comes to worshipping at home and at Church, it is not a good example for the children if the husband negates this high calling. This also requires the help and understanding of the wife to encourage and uphold her husbands position and role within their family unit. As the then Cardinal Ratzinger wrote, "Men and women were created to be jointly the guarantee of the future of the humanity - not only a physical guarantee, but also a moral one." When fathers stop attending Church, it begins the downward spiral of the spiritual health of the family as a whole. It is imperative that the husband and father show leadership in matters of worship.

When the husband provides the security that the family needs this is one of the ways he expresses his love for his family to put their needs above his own. Another more expressive way is to honour his wife through a mutual bond of love and trust as they become one as man and wife, joined together in both body and spirit.

Both Spouses need to understand that their total happiness lay not in only monetary security but also a spiritual security as both couples work at their marriage and validate each others longings and needs through mutual respect and love of each others uniqueness which completes them as a whole.

No marriage is absolutely perfect outside of the Holy Family, all relationships need work, for God does not measure what a man can monetarily provide for his family but what he teaches his family about love, honour, integrity and a faithfulness to the Tenets of the Churches Teachings. Once again the then Cardinal Ratzinger said, "Find the Lord, find the saints of the times, but also find the not canonized, simple persons who are really in the heart of the Church." This simple quote demonstrates for us that the family as a whole is integral to the health of the Body of the Church, and to make God the focus of the family.

In the end a families home should be a little Heaven and not a living hell.


Peace of Christ to you ALL

Copyright © 2006 Marie Smith. All rights reserved.







Sunday, May 07, 2006

Creating A Peaceful Family



In our efforts to create a peaceful environment for our families we end up doing the exact opposite why is this so?
It could be that many families are trying to hard to strive for happiness and making the wrong choices along the way which affects the whole family. Some of this could be caused by becoming confused over transitory happiness and long lasting contentment.

When something good happens we are instantly happy and feel a rush of warm emotions and joy, but this type of happiness is transitory. Whereas contentment loves what you have and where you are without need of constant reassurances of your worth, the content person knows their own worth which brings forth confidence without arrogance.

Contentment must not be confused with apathy. The apathetic person cares for no-one but themselves, they risk nothing as they give as little as possible of themselves to others. Apathy is not only your enemy it is the enemy of the family unit.

In order to create a peaceful and loving environment many need to understand the needs of their partners, which may not always be the same as yours. What makes one person happy may make another very unhappy, in order to understand what your Spouses needs are there must be open communication between the two.

In many divorce cases the most prominent complaint that the both Spouses site are indifference towards each other and a lack of appreciation for your efforts in working and trying to provide the best for each other and your children.

One of the main problem areas is an undefined position status within the family unit. This is a societal problem which is affecting many families as the lines become blurred over 'who wears the trousers' in the family. This is where we need to understand how God ordained the family unit and to be obedient to His Commandments. The Holy Family gives us the best example of how a family should be, as upon marrying Mary it was to Joseph that the Angels appeared thereby acknowledging this most holy and chaste husband as Head of the home.

We also have the Letters of Paul which instruct us with these words of Scripture, "Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body. As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. So (also) husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.....In any case, each one of you should love his wife as himself, and the wife should respect her husband." At times this one piece of Scripture can be over extended as husbands concentrate on the word submission and wives focus on the love verse, this then causes friction as both misunderstand the context from which it is written.

In order to have a healthy marriage the position of each Spouse must be respected and not denigrated or made less by comparing who produces or provides more for the home. It is also beneficial for couples to understand each others needs so as to co-operate in the building up of their family home and to feel fulfilled within their marriage bond. While women need to feel cherished and appreciated by their husbands, the husband often sites the need for their wives continued respect to him as head of the home. To many men respect counts more than acts of affection, respect is crucial to the husband’s wellbeing.

The one ingredient that is the mainstay of the marriage is for both husband and wife to validate each others position within the marriage, this takes, diplomacy, delicacy and tact. No divorce has ever occurred because the Spouse said thankyou once too often, usually it is the exact opposite, which will cause the breakdown of the marriage.

When there is friction within the marriage the children of such a volatile relationship will pick up on the unhappy and unhealthy atmosphere and due to the child’s insecurity they will often play one partner against the other. Family life should not be a war zone where lines are drawn and the parents become each other's enemy while the victims are the children. The repercussions of this unhappy situation is to be seen in those who grow into manipulative adults who can no longer decipher another's need above their own, therefore the vicious circle continues onto another generation.

This friction can be avoided if husband and wife live accordingly to what the Bible reveals to each of us and what the Catholic Church instructs us as to forming a holy union of man and wife bound together through the Sacrament of the Church. As the Catholic Catechism instructs us, 1604 God who created man out of love also calls him to love the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being. For man is created in the image and likeness of God who is himself love. Since God created him man and woman, their mutual love becomes an image of the absolute and unfailing love with which God loves man. It is good, very good, in the Creator's eyes. And this love which God blesses is intended to be fruitful and to be realized in the common work of watching over creation: "And God blessed them, and God said to them: 'Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it.' Through this we are able to envision the marriage state as wholesome, Holy and beneficial to the wellbeing of the couple and also society as a whole.

In order to bring a sense of order to your marriage and the security your children have by right, there must be from both couples a sense of selflessness as they make the happiness of their Spouses the priority and the commitment they both made before God, comes before any selfish needs.

To obtain this inner contentment both couples must disregard and ignore a dysfunctional society that propagates the message of 'ME first' and instead remain focussed on what God and the Catholic Church teaches us through the Sacraments and the Word of God.

As is the case in most things a contented and happy marriage takes work it does not happen by doing nothing and hoping for the best. Once the couple have understood what is beneficial to each of them, a need to be cherished and respected, the only thing that can prevent eternal happiness of one to the other is they themselves.

In the end the happiness of your family is in your hands, therefore choose wisely.


Peace of Christ to you ALL

Copyright © 2006 Marie Smith. All rights reserved.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Family Worship The Cornerstone of Faith



There are many TV shows on the air waves which give us a glimpse of the inner workings of some families. One example is the Osbourne family, who allowed a television crew to record all their family moments, both the good times and the bad. One can admire their bravery and honesty as they lived life in the fast lane, but, is this the example we should aspire too?

If a camera crew were to move into your home what would it reveal? A family as dysfunctional as the Osbourne's? Or a family that has its priorities in the correct order, God first, then spouse and children. This is not to suggest that all families who place God first are perfect, but, it does say that through God they can be perfected. Though many families long to have a more peaceful and loving environment, still, they struggle to achieve this as life becomes more and more frenetic. As the late Morrie Schwartz once said, "So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning." There is nothing meaningful in a house full of expensive, but, inanimate objects, no matter how beautiful they seem to be.

In order to have a family that resembles our greatest example, that of The Holy Family, we must place God at its centre and not on the periphery. This means giving God all of our attention and love, and not merely paying 'lip service'. If we are not praying from the heart, then don't waste the words. Why do we think that God our Father will be happy with 'duty love'? Would you want your children to merely give you the leftovers of their love? Why then do so many give God their leftovers, a quick ten minute habit prayer before they begin working on more 'important stuff'. We are reminded what dangers can affect the family unit by these wise words from our late Pope John Paul II, "The great danger for family life, in the midst of any society whose idols are pleasure, comfort and independence, lies in the fact that people close their hearts and become selfish." When family members only focus on fulfilling their individual needs at the expense of the rest of their family, the whole family suffers.

To have a Godly family we must then begin with the basics, one of which is the study of Scripture in a reflective manner, and then prayer which involves the whole family unit. Leading this Godly family should be the head of the home which is the husband, with the full support of his wife as they lead their children in understanding God through His Word and to pray from the heart. One of the best ways to achieve this is to have a 'sacred space' in your home where a table is always presented with the Bible, a religious statue, Holy Water or Blessed Salt. In order to project a feeling of the Sacred, a lighted candle would set the atmosphere in a more reverent way as both husband and wife along with their children, place all the stresses and concerns of the day aside as they open their hearts to the Triune Spirit.

This way of life will require much discipline and at the beginning your children may rail against taking part in what will help build them into loving and responsible individuals. Though the children may lack the wisdom as to what will make them happy, the parents do. In order to have peace within the home it must begin in the individual heart. As St. Mary Magdalen de Pazzi once wrote concerning prayer, "Prayer ought to be humble, fervent, resigned, persevering, and accompanied with great reverence. One should consider that he stands in the presence of a God, and speaks with a Lord before whom the angels tremble from awe and fear." It is a good thing to remind our families that God is a loving and benevolent Father and not some 'figure' who is distant from us. In order to begin a more prayerful family life it would be a good idea to begin the day with a short verse from the Bible and to pray for God's guidance and protection throughout the day. Also a prayer to our Guardian Angels would be helpful.

It is the structure that matters: to begin the day with prayer, and to end it with the study of Scripture, which reveals to us God's Will, and to finish the day with prayer. This must also be done not out of habit, but, from a flowing forth of love to the Divine, we then in turn become strengthened by God's Loving Grace. It is essential that through this prayer time that the father take the lead as head of the home with the mother as his helpmate. This teaches children from the beginning how God designed the family unit through the example of Joseph, Mary and Jesus. As the Word instructs families, "We do not keep them from our children; we recite them to the next generation, The praiseworthy and mighty deeds of the LORD, the wonders that he performed. God set up a decree in Jacob, established a law in Israel: What he commanded our ancestors, they were to teach their children; That the next generation might come to know, children yet to be born. In turn they were to recite them to their children, that they too might put their trust in God, And not forget the works of God, keeping his commandments." We must also remember, that once Joseph was betrothed to Mary, it was to Joseph that the Angels appeared in honour of his position as head of the home.

Another crucial time of the day is mealtimes, most especially the evening meal, as it is at this time of the day that is less rushed than breakfast. In order for families to be able to connect with one another we need intimacy and sharing. This cannot be done if we gobble our meals before a TV screen, as the TV provides entertainment and is not a replacement for intimacy. To have meals prepared and the table set will take the organizational abilities of the mother as the tone is set with table cloths, napkins... a proper dinner setting. The evening meal should not be rushed as the family sit down to break bread with one another, and to not only enjoy the meal but also to enjoy the company of each other, as they share amongst themselves the events of the day.

Upon finishing the evening meal the family should then gather together for the reading of the Bible and prayer time, as each member reflects on the Word of God and how it pertains to their Faith alongside the Teachings of the Church. Prayer is also vital as families open their hearts to the indwelling Spirit and allow the words to flow forth. We also need to understand that none of us need to be great raconteurs but to speak with God from our hearts without becoming self-conscious. As St. Isidore wrote, "Prayer purifies us, reading instructs us... If a man wants to be always in God's company, he must pray regularly and read regularly. When we pray, we talk to God; when we read, God talks to us." Parents also need to keep in mind that ways of expressing our Faith does not mean being deadly serious but to inject lighter moments and to perhaps sing a prayer of thanksgiving to our Lord and God.

All of this may seem simple enough, but, it is not. It takes effort, organizational abilities and the will to let go of doing 'things' in a 'busyness' which distracts our attention away from God. This may also sound improbable as you look at your daily schedule and if it looks impossible to fit in prayer, then what and in whom have you placed first?

In finishing if you have no time to pray then you are in danger of losing The Way.


Peace of Christ to you ALL

Copyright © 2006 Marie Smith. All rights reserved.